I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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