she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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