Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
