I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
