I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
