He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
