He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
