Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
