hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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