My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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