i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
