how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
