Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
