Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
