I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
