it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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