I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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