you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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