She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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