Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
