New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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