As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
