By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
