I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
