Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
