I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
