She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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