I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
