I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
