apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
