Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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