I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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