he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
