This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
