I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
