My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
