Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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