Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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