tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
