When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
