i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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