But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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