You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
