you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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