You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
