I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
