He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
