Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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