a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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