Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
